So, I briefly talked about this story the other day with a friend, and thought it might just be good to throw it up on here. Whatcha gonna do, right?
I guess I won’t quite start off at the beginning – but I’ll get there just as quickly as I can. Many of the powerful testimonies you’ll here involve drugs, sex, (maybe) rock ‘n’ roll, and this miraculous, love-crazed savior (which indeed he is) that dragged up the poor, overwhelmed sinner from his pit. Mine’s a bit like that – but God didn’t save me from drugs – he saved me from pride. He didn’t save me from sex either – just ignorance. He certainly didn’t save me from rock ‘n’ roll – but he saved me from the only individual who can tell me a perfect lie that I’ll always believe – myself. No fireworks, just the great heart of an unrelenting God that would never give up on me.
Romans 3:23 – For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
I was born a child of privilege. I’ve come to accept that to be a simple, over-riding truth of my life. Not that my parents were wealthy – far from it, my needs were met and we never went hungry, but we didn’t do too much more than make ends meet either. No, when I say privilege – I mean that I had every opportunity to succeed, and very few chances to fail. My father was an elder in the church, my mother sang in the choir. Dad is one of my best friends – always has been, always will be – and I can honestly say the wisest man I know – no hyperbole, no exaggeration, and many would agree with me. Mom is an artist, a marathoner, disciplined, musical, and carried a 4.0 all the way through college – she stayed at home through my whole school career. Dad instilled in me a love of true beauty and a search for truth, mom a drive and confidence that few other people could bestow upon another. Are they perfect? Not quite – but they are far more a blessing than any person deserves or would ever think to ask for. With very few exceptions, anything good or strong in my character came directly from them, anything dark or weak – that lies solely on my shoulders, promise. So, if they were that active and involved, I’m automatically a Christian, right? Not so fast – the answer is absolutely not. I remember my childhood – praying over and over that God would save me - most nights, in fact, as my dad prayed with me. He just let it go on and on, until one day, I stopped – I was finally confident that I’d prayed it enough and I was good to go. As time went on – I lived well. I usually did the right thing, despite a penchant and talent for lying; I was the good, quiet kid who knew all the answers. I was a leader in the youth group – even in junior high – I’d been instrumental in a few other kids’ belief in Christ. Sunday school teachers were glad to have me, church leaders enjoyed visiting with me, I was “one of the most steadfast young me to grow up in the church.” And once I was old enough to feel encumbered by “the rules,” and recognize it… I was miserable.
Romans 6:23 – The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord.
I went to a tiny Christian school right up until high school. Now, depending on your background, that could lead you to believe I’m talking about a high-powered, money wielding private school. I’m not. Practically volunteer teachers, borrowed text books, a church that put us up in an old, rickety house they had on their land, and never more than 50 kids, and only about 6 in any given class. Regardless, one more situation where I was surrounded by good people who genuinely cared for me (seems to be a recurring theme). At the end of my seventh grade year, the school didn’t have enough staff to add on any eighth graders – our public junior high didn’t have many marks in its favor – and mom decided to home-school me… that poor, poor woman. Little did she know that in this home-school year, everything that I had been up to this point would come crashing down – beautiful how life works like that, isn’t it? I didn’t know it at the time, but I was miserable, depressed, sick of living by rules and regulations that meant not a thing to me. I cried most days, slammed an algebra or Spanish book into a wall some others. Convinced myself that my mother hated me – that she didn’t want me to have friends, didn’t want to let me grow up, who knows what else. But a year of this was not what anybody wanted, that much I know for sure. As time progressed, my depression deepened – everything bothered me, and perhaps more importantly – everything bothered me more than it should. Suicide was at least a weekly thought, I’ve always been a little dark, so at first it was something that had some pleasure to it – just an emotional release. But it grew. Looking back, I clearly remember a day when everything had gone badly and I wanted no part of it. I convinced myself that Mom hated me and would be happy, that Dad would be sad for a bit, but I was just another mouth to feed in the end – he’d be better off, and my little brother would never remember me except through the cold looks in my parents eyes when the crossed a particular patch of our concrete drive way below the apex of our roof line. Death was all I wanted, all I deserved.
Romans 5:8 – God demonstrates his own love for us in this, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
I bent my knees, just slightly, standing on the edge – snot dripping down my face, tears falling to the concrete – just a regular day, right? Mom walked out the door, and saw me on the roof, crying. She let me know she loved me, and told me lunch was inside whenever I was ready. I cried a bit more, climbed down and went on in – I’m not sure that she knew my intention, but she was there for a reason. School went on – I was a little less of a roller coaster, but the world isn’t that much better when it’s all dull, grey, and lifeless – so I can hardly say I’d improved. Even then though, looking back, God was beginning to call to me. I started writing songs then – which has continued until this day, in fact. I started recognizing the beauty in people, in things – which was a step up from where I’d been. I was looking forward to a retreat our youth group was going on that was coming up in April – in retrospect, I was looking forward to it with very good reason.
Romans 10:13 - Whoever will call on the name of the Lord will be saved.
Falls Creek – the name of the retreat – perhaps you’ve been there, who knows. My best friend’s father was speaking that year, he has a tendency to recycle sermons – I’d heard and could quote about half of the ones he was giving us at the retreat. “Sermon 4 with a twist into 7 there at the end” was the running joke for me. Yet, he is a very gifted speaker, and a very deep and intellectual Christian – despite my misgivings about his “green sermons.” Regardless, as he spoke, he eventually said something that rang true with me, something I had been patiently waiting for since that first time I’d been convinced I’d prayed enough to become a Christian. Something I’d been striving towards and fighting for without ever knowing it. In his big, excited, yelling pastoral voice, he pronounced that “Guys, if you’re a Christian, and you’re not living right, you’re going to be miserable” – it was sermon 6, not one of his overly evangelical ones, a little more geared towards discipleship. But suddenly, I realized the reality of my predicament – I was living by the rules. I should be at least somewhat happy. I was miserable. The truth finally came out – I wasn’t a Christian, it was the only solution that made sense. I was bound, gagged, and beaten by my own false belief in my Christianity. “The rules” weren’t rules at all – not to constrict as I had known them at least. The rules were freedom – they gave me the ability to do what was right, the ability to connect to my creator, the ability to finally become who I’d thought I was and been meant to be all along. My soul cried out for this, and despite all the lies I’d accepted, the truths I’d denied – the moment had come: I was called. Wanted. Loved.
Romans 10:9,10 - If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Jesus from the dead, you shall be saved; for with the heart man believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.
That night, my world changed. All the things I’d used to fill the blackness inside were rendered completely and utterly irrelevant and insignificant. Grades, friends, girls, athleticism, rugged good looks – all useless and stripped bare for what they were – a poor substitute for what really mattered. Those things bring happiness – sure, but they don’t bring joy. They don’t bring the unerring knowledge that whatever happens, an infinite being cares for you. God took me in his hands that day and revolutionized me. My good days – he makes great. My mediocre days – he gives direction. My bad days – he gives purpose. One man died that all might live, and I have found my life, my true life, in him – and it is only the beginning of the story.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Of Freedom and Weakness
I'll never forget the moment that I realized that my life was in my hands, and that such an arrangement was a bad thing. I don't think this realization was my doing. I don't think I fully comprehend everything that goes into it. I just know that I am naturally pre-disposed to deciding what's mine, taking it, and messing it all up. There were all these things to do. There were all these places to be. There were all these people to know. And I was going to do, be, and know as I saw fit. I'd just finished my Masters. I was moving on and moving up. I had all these challenges to meet, and I was going to meet them.
I was going to leverage my strengths. I was going to minimize my weaknesses. I was going to put myself out there. I was going to succeed wildly at everything I'd ever dreamed. Or was I? When I look at those dreams... career, relationships, money, satisfaction, prestige, respect... they are all so little. But they were what I was good at. They were what God made me to do... weren't they? The world was mine and I was free.
But really, I wasn't. I was free like an animal in a zoo. Wandering around the artificial environment created for me. Eating the morsels fed to me by people who also once had bigger dreams. Nice to look at from outside, but just as caged as ever. Just as unfulfilled as ever. Just as short of what I was created to be as ever. I had built myself a set of goals to accomplish, and bound myself to accomplishing them. I'd let my pride hijack reality. I'd built a cage around myself, all the while thinking I was building a home. I'd tied who I was to all these things, and through that, they became bondage. They separated me from Christ. I let my pride bind my identity to them. I became what I did, and when what I did lacked, I became "what I could do if I could just catch a break." No longer was I the person who would do what was necessary. Who could take my greatest strengths and match them with others' greatest needs. All I could see was the path I'd laid out before myself. The path to 'strength.' The path to 'success.'
Every maneuver I made that I thought expressed my freedom, my ability, was just one more bar in my self-imposed cage. And the further I got from breaking that cage open, the more I resented it and fell back on myself.
When all my strength was exhausted, I found something. The truth was that all my strength was nothing. That everything I took into my hands I broke. The truth was that I had captured myself. That I had told myself what was success and what wasn't. That I would never meet the standards I'd made, and that if I were pursuing them, I'd never find the standards I truly wanted. I acknowledged that I was weak, finally, in a state that would have been unrecognizable to the heavy majority of people who know me. And when I did, the world shifted. Weakness was freedom. Not strength. Accepting who I was and who I served was freedom. Not forging my own path through the world. Accepting that my best efforts at feeble success were what was holding me back from true peace... that was freedom. When I realize that I was made as I am, strengths, weaknesses, blemishes, impurities and all to serve a purpose, and that purpose was beyond anything I'd ever imagined, no matter where it took me... that was freedom. Knowing that I wasn't responsible for making the path, just following it... that was freedom.
In all this, am I free yet? No, not completely, not even close. But I know that in Christ is freedom. I know that truth sets free. I know that if nothing I do ever mimics worldly success again, that if I lose every shred of dignity before man, but through it all I'm dancing to my Creator's music... I know that I've finally uncovered who I was meant to be. I know that I am free.
I was going to leverage my strengths. I was going to minimize my weaknesses. I was going to put myself out there. I was going to succeed wildly at everything I'd ever dreamed. Or was I? When I look at those dreams... career, relationships, money, satisfaction, prestige, respect... they are all so little. But they were what I was good at. They were what God made me to do... weren't they? The world was mine and I was free.
But really, I wasn't. I was free like an animal in a zoo. Wandering around the artificial environment created for me. Eating the morsels fed to me by people who also once had bigger dreams. Nice to look at from outside, but just as caged as ever. Just as unfulfilled as ever. Just as short of what I was created to be as ever. I had built myself a set of goals to accomplish, and bound myself to accomplishing them. I'd let my pride hijack reality. I'd built a cage around myself, all the while thinking I was building a home. I'd tied who I was to all these things, and through that, they became bondage. They separated me from Christ. I let my pride bind my identity to them. I became what I did, and when what I did lacked, I became "what I could do if I could just catch a break." No longer was I the person who would do what was necessary. Who could take my greatest strengths and match them with others' greatest needs. All I could see was the path I'd laid out before myself. The path to 'strength.' The path to 'success.'
Every maneuver I made that I thought expressed my freedom, my ability, was just one more bar in my self-imposed cage. And the further I got from breaking that cage open, the more I resented it and fell back on myself.
When all my strength was exhausted, I found something. The truth was that all my strength was nothing. That everything I took into my hands I broke. The truth was that I had captured myself. That I had told myself what was success and what wasn't. That I would never meet the standards I'd made, and that if I were pursuing them, I'd never find the standards I truly wanted. I acknowledged that I was weak, finally, in a state that would have been unrecognizable to the heavy majority of people who know me. And when I did, the world shifted. Weakness was freedom. Not strength. Accepting who I was and who I served was freedom. Not forging my own path through the world. Accepting that my best efforts at feeble success were what was holding me back from true peace... that was freedom. When I realize that I was made as I am, strengths, weaknesses, blemishes, impurities and all to serve a purpose, and that purpose was beyond anything I'd ever imagined, no matter where it took me... that was freedom. Knowing that I wasn't responsible for making the path, just following it... that was freedom.
In all this, am I free yet? No, not completely, not even close. But I know that in Christ is freedom. I know that truth sets free. I know that if nothing I do ever mimics worldly success again, that if I lose every shred of dignity before man, but through it all I'm dancing to my Creator's music... I know that I've finally uncovered who I was meant to be. I know that I am free.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Of Redemption and Results
OK. Here's a post that will be near and dear and that I can't help but struggle with, even when I believe it's true. Our culture (species?) is obsessed with results. Investments, abdominal muscles, careers, relationships, sporting events, you name it. Look at every self help book you can find, or those little face book advertisements you see every day (and the real process to get there):
"How to make 200k a year from home" (Do 200k's worth of work a year)
"How to get ripped in 30 days" (Eat unbelievably well and work out like a freak)
"One secret that will give you a six pack" (See above and add in genetic gifting)
"How to guarantee 18% on your investment portfolio" (We already tried this. Welcome to the great recession)
Plus a billion others.
I understand it, really I do. People want to know what they are going to get out of something before they get into it... but there aren't many out there who really see that as a problem. We live in a results driven culture, and most people reading this are saying "yeah... so?" And to you I offer up this - how often do life's results really mirror life's journeys? And Christians, further, does heavenly living ever result in heaven on earth? Biblically... not so much (deaths of the disciples, anyone?)... why do we feel like it should now?
Some perfect examples of all this:
I have a masters in finance. I love the stock market. I like telling myself that I "can beat the market" - hint, so does everyone else who invests. (Shocking) Reality is this. The average mutual fund beats the market (everyone's average) by 1.4% (and charges an average yearly fee of 1.7%). Someone who runs a mutual fund is at the pinnacle of financial perfection. He's got education. He's got experience. He's got access to the finest mathematical minds and technological systems in the nation. And he'll beat a monkey with 20 darts, a wall, and every stock on an even sized piece of paper by 1.4%... before he takes his fees (the monkey won't charge). Is it a little hard for me to believe I can't beat the average? Yeah. But that said... smarter guys than me don't... and yet...
Another example:
Poker. I play it. I love it. I hate it. Nothing hurts worse than having a guy statistically dominated and then... boom, he catches a card to put you down. As he takes your money with that smug smile, you know a few things. 1) On average, if he continues to play like that, you'll take his money 2) This time, he took yours 3) When he rubs it in your face and you say "you got the result you wanted, but you took the wrong process" he'll never get it. Don't be upset though... on average, you'll take his money - good results don't justify bad process.
Life?
We'll get into that one.
"It's all about the journey, not the destination, for each push isn't a means to an end, but a unique event within itself"
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. Skateboarder. Rich and famous (oddly enough). Tatted up. When asked why skateboarding matters so much to him, this is his answer. He gets it. I'm sure in front of an ESPN camera crew that comes off a little different (new agey and slightly crazed) than in print, but I vote keeper.
How many times in life are we victims? Why me God? What did I do to deserve this? Why is this happening? Why are you so cruel? We look at what we view as results through our own selfish lenses and judge what's happening to us based on that.
"Well when God closes one door, he opens another" - Yeah, but what if it's not one you'd prefer to go through? What if it's the door where you get stoned to death? What if it's the door where you cope with the loss of a loved one? What if it's the door where you go unemployed and hungry? When you say that, is that the door you're thinking about, or are you thinking about the door that He is (surely) destined to open to lead you to fields of earthly prosperity and abundance? Do you judge the Master by the door, or the door by the Master? The most painful stories imaginable are the most potent testimonies of who and why God is.
Christianity has no place for those of us who judge by results. Christianity destines you for pain, suffering, and humiliation. And through all that, it destines you for redemption. Not the kind of redemption we see when a mutual fund loses 20% one year and makes 30% the next. The kind where you are crushed. Over and over. Until all that is left is joy and complete faith and comfort in a God who saves. What more could I ever want than that? This earth we live in is not about results. It's about process. It's about stripping away everything that you think you are, and finding that without all that garbage, you're whole, free, redeemed. For that, forget your results. Put me through the fire.
Do we as Christians get this? Do I get this? When we look at Jesus, do we remember he died on a cross? Yeah. So? Thousands of people died on a cross. Or do we remember that he was raised from the dead? Yeah. So? A couple people were raised from the dead and they didn't make one lick of difference in my eternal being. Or do we remember a process - the process of an innocent man dying for our redemption? Results based faith will leave you with a weak, little God and a weak, little faith. Give. Fight. Stand. Obey. Feel. Breathe. Love. Be real. Fight through the process of redemption. And eventually, whether rich or poor, whole or broken, pure or scarred, you'll find God. And it will all be worth it.
"How to make 200k a year from home" (Do 200k's worth of work a year)
"How to get ripped in 30 days" (Eat unbelievably well and work out like a freak)
"One secret that will give you a six pack" (See above and add in genetic gifting)
"How to guarantee 18% on your investment portfolio" (We already tried this. Welcome to the great recession)
Plus a billion others.
I understand it, really I do. People want to know what they are going to get out of something before they get into it... but there aren't many out there who really see that as a problem. We live in a results driven culture, and most people reading this are saying "yeah... so?" And to you I offer up this - how often do life's results really mirror life's journeys? And Christians, further, does heavenly living ever result in heaven on earth? Biblically... not so much (deaths of the disciples, anyone?)... why do we feel like it should now?
Some perfect examples of all this:
I have a masters in finance. I love the stock market. I like telling myself that I "can beat the market" - hint, so does everyone else who invests. (Shocking) Reality is this. The average mutual fund beats the market (everyone's average) by 1.4% (and charges an average yearly fee of 1.7%). Someone who runs a mutual fund is at the pinnacle of financial perfection. He's got education. He's got experience. He's got access to the finest mathematical minds and technological systems in the nation. And he'll beat a monkey with 20 darts, a wall, and every stock on an even sized piece of paper by 1.4%... before he takes his fees (the monkey won't charge). Is it a little hard for me to believe I can't beat the average? Yeah. But that said... smarter guys than me don't... and yet...
Another example:
Poker. I play it. I love it. I hate it. Nothing hurts worse than having a guy statistically dominated and then... boom, he catches a card to put you down. As he takes your money with that smug smile, you know a few things. 1) On average, if he continues to play like that, you'll take his money 2) This time, he took yours 3) When he rubs it in your face and you say "you got the result you wanted, but you took the wrong process" he'll never get it. Don't be upset though... on average, you'll take his money - good results don't justify bad process.
Life?
We'll get into that one.
"It's all about the journey, not the destination, for each push isn't a means to an end, but a unique event within itself"
This is one of my favorite quotes of all time. Skateboarder. Rich and famous (oddly enough). Tatted up. When asked why skateboarding matters so much to him, this is his answer. He gets it. I'm sure in front of an ESPN camera crew that comes off a little different (new agey and slightly crazed) than in print, but I vote keeper.
How many times in life are we victims? Why me God? What did I do to deserve this? Why is this happening? Why are you so cruel? We look at what we view as results through our own selfish lenses and judge what's happening to us based on that.
"Well when God closes one door, he opens another" - Yeah, but what if it's not one you'd prefer to go through? What if it's the door where you get stoned to death? What if it's the door where you cope with the loss of a loved one? What if it's the door where you go unemployed and hungry? When you say that, is that the door you're thinking about, or are you thinking about the door that He is (surely) destined to open to lead you to fields of earthly prosperity and abundance? Do you judge the Master by the door, or the door by the Master? The most painful stories imaginable are the most potent testimonies of who and why God is.
Christianity has no place for those of us who judge by results. Christianity destines you for pain, suffering, and humiliation. And through all that, it destines you for redemption. Not the kind of redemption we see when a mutual fund loses 20% one year and makes 30% the next. The kind where you are crushed. Over and over. Until all that is left is joy and complete faith and comfort in a God who saves. What more could I ever want than that? This earth we live in is not about results. It's about process. It's about stripping away everything that you think you are, and finding that without all that garbage, you're whole, free, redeemed. For that, forget your results. Put me through the fire.
Do we as Christians get this? Do I get this? When we look at Jesus, do we remember he died on a cross? Yeah. So? Thousands of people died on a cross. Or do we remember that he was raised from the dead? Yeah. So? A couple people were raised from the dead and they didn't make one lick of difference in my eternal being. Or do we remember a process - the process of an innocent man dying for our redemption? Results based faith will leave you with a weak, little God and a weak, little faith. Give. Fight. Stand. Obey. Feel. Breathe. Love. Be real. Fight through the process of redemption. And eventually, whether rich or poor, whole or broken, pure or scarred, you'll find God. And it will all be worth it.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Of What I've Got
It has become increasingly obvious to me that we, as Christians, fall wildly short of everything we want, and claim to be. And it's not because we're bad people. It's not because we generically "suck" (though I am pretty sure we usually do). It's because we have no concept of the basic premise of economics. For those of us who weren't economics grads (and I don't blame you) economics is the study of the way we meet our unlimited wants with our limited resources. How does this translate to a spiritual world? How does this mesh with anything that has to do with Christianity? How does this work outside of "widgets" and elasticity? Jesus understood it - so should we.
So, a little more on economics, then we'll launch into this. The entire purpose of economics is figuring out what humans want, what it will take to give them what they want, and what it will cost. It's the soft science of meeting needs (starting to tip you off a bit yet?). The principles are real hard on a graph, but real easy if you common sense it. There is stuff out there, people want it, so depending on how much there is, and how much people want it (supply and demand, if you were wondering) a price (equilibrium) is found that keeps supply and demand in balance. At this point - the rest is elementary. The people with the most resources get the goods.
There you go - go take an economics class and tell me it ain't so :-p
Now lets zoom out, and look at this thing from 30,000 feet. We live in a world with full of people with desperate needs. They're trapped in poverty. They're starving. They live in Haiti. They need a friend. They've been abused. They're hurting. They need a place to stay. They need a hug. This world has way more than just the economic theory of unlimited wants - it's got the spiritual reality of unlimited needs.
But here is where Christianity differs from economics - at least in theory. In economics, the one with the resources gets the goods. In Christianity, the one with the resources gives the goods. According to the great commission - it's our job to meet those needs. Know Christ and make Him known. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Our neighbors are hungry, broken, and afraid... and we're not - so lets get busy, shall we? That much we've all heard before. It's nothing overly new (2000 years old or so) but we don't do it. So firstly - be aware that we're blatantly missing out on the whole point of our existence more times than not. But beyond that, we are completely missing another piece to this puzzle.
When you watch the life of Christ, there is something that (from an economic stand point) should stand out to each and every one of us, but very few of us catch it. We feel we're doing well when we use our most plentiful resource to meet needs (be that money, emotions, time, service). Jesus perpetually used every potential resource he had available to him to further the gospel. The man had no money. He was constantly on the move. He was constantly connecting with people (which frankly, is exhausting). He had no home. Every single resource he had was used to meet the needs of other people. I'll be honest. I tend to be impressed with us as Christians when we use *one* of our resources to meet the needs of others. You see a very wealthy person giving to the poor and you say "yeah, that's awesome" And it is... but there's so much more. You see the person who connects, empathizes, and understands people out touching lives in small groups, or counseling with kids and we say "yeah, that's good" and it is... I think you get the point.
It's great that I go and use one or two of my talents or abilities to reach people, and to meet needs. But Christianity is so much more than that. It's about using everything we have to do something lasting - expand the kingdom of Christ. So be aware. Christianity goes beyond economics. We are not asked to give just out of our extra. We're called to give out of our being. We so often look at Christianity from the supply side - we meet needs that we can meet well naturally. Remember to look at it from the demand side - and meet needs whenever the opportunity arises. Use every resource - for no other reason than every resource was used for you.
So, a little more on economics, then we'll launch into this. The entire purpose of economics is figuring out what humans want, what it will take to give them what they want, and what it will cost. It's the soft science of meeting needs (starting to tip you off a bit yet?). The principles are real hard on a graph, but real easy if you common sense it. There is stuff out there, people want it, so depending on how much there is, and how much people want it (supply and demand, if you were wondering) a price (equilibrium) is found that keeps supply and demand in balance. At this point - the rest is elementary. The people with the most resources get the goods.
There you go - go take an economics class and tell me it ain't so :-p
Now lets zoom out, and look at this thing from 30,000 feet. We live in a world with full of people with desperate needs. They're trapped in poverty. They're starving. They live in Haiti. They need a friend. They've been abused. They're hurting. They need a place to stay. They need a hug. This world has way more than just the economic theory of unlimited wants - it's got the spiritual reality of unlimited needs.
But here is where Christianity differs from economics - at least in theory. In economics, the one with the resources gets the goods. In Christianity, the one with the resources gives the goods. According to the great commission - it's our job to meet those needs. Know Christ and make Him known. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. Our neighbors are hungry, broken, and afraid... and we're not - so lets get busy, shall we? That much we've all heard before. It's nothing overly new (2000 years old or so) but we don't do it. So firstly - be aware that we're blatantly missing out on the whole point of our existence more times than not. But beyond that, we are completely missing another piece to this puzzle.
When you watch the life of Christ, there is something that (from an economic stand point) should stand out to each and every one of us, but very few of us catch it. We feel we're doing well when we use our most plentiful resource to meet needs (be that money, emotions, time, service). Jesus perpetually used every potential resource he had available to him to further the gospel. The man had no money. He was constantly on the move. He was constantly connecting with people (which frankly, is exhausting). He had no home. Every single resource he had was used to meet the needs of other people. I'll be honest. I tend to be impressed with us as Christians when we use *one* of our resources to meet the needs of others. You see a very wealthy person giving to the poor and you say "yeah, that's awesome" And it is... but there's so much more. You see the person who connects, empathizes, and understands people out touching lives in small groups, or counseling with kids and we say "yeah, that's good" and it is... I think you get the point.
It's great that I go and use one or two of my talents or abilities to reach people, and to meet needs. But Christianity is so much more than that. It's about using everything we have to do something lasting - expand the kingdom of Christ. So be aware. Christianity goes beyond economics. We are not asked to give just out of our extra. We're called to give out of our being. We so often look at Christianity from the supply side - we meet needs that we can meet well naturally. Remember to look at it from the demand side - and meet needs whenever the opportunity arises. Use every resource - for no other reason than every resource was used for you.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Of Thanks
I've long believed that forgiveness is one of the most desirable qualities a human being can have. Whether in a friend, a wife, a parent, or whatever other crazy relationships we dream up, forgiveness just matters. Of course, a few of us just nod our heads at this concept, say "oh yeah, of course it is" but rarely do we look at the assumptions, the roots, the truth behind the thought. The reality of forgiveness is this - nothing demonstrates mercy and grace quite like it. I probably haven't rocked any worlds yet, but my most recent realizations have been tied to this concept:
Forgiveness is what you do when you are owed everything and freely accept nothing.
Consider all our petty issues as human beings. I'm frustrated with my job while children in Africa starve to death in numbers that I can't count every day. Girls are kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery in third world countries, and I am terribly concerned about how the lady behind my house parks her car so that I have to orchestrate an 18 point turn that begins with me backing out of the garage at a 35 degree angle to go grab some ice cream. We've all been guilted like this before, right? I have, and so have you... but try this one on for size, it might just really hit home.
How many times do we sacrifice an evening, a week, a friendship, over something that really didn't matter? I get an angry phone call at work and my day is ruined. I feel wronged by my friend so I cut them out. I feel like that guy who cut me off is an absolute jerk. We're all so entitled... so quick to anger. And we fail to realize that whether we are owed or not, our reaction should be one of grace, and in it strength. When we fail to forgive we admit that the size of our perceived offense is so much greater than us that we do not have the power to forgive it. I guess my reminder here is to remember - what really matters? Are you willing to sacrifice a relationship (friendship, marriage, or otherwise) so that you can let someone else know you were wronged? How many of the things in life that we feel are so heinous have we forgotten about within a week? (most) a month? (almost all) a year? (all). Why on earth would we be willing to sacrifice a lifetime of togetherness for something so trivial...
Because we don't have a proper understanding of our rights, our belongings, or what we deserve. All this talk of forgiveness leads to my real goal, given the season - Thanks. When we rid ourselves of our sense of entitlement, and pride, we allow ourselves a clear picture of what we're owed so that we can forgive, and what we have been given so that we can be thankful. Tonight at dinner I began mulling this concept when we all went around a table and stated what we were thankful for... I knew my answer was truly everything, but had no idea how to condense it into a sound byte... so here I am, correcting my earlier clumsiness. When I realize that I am owed nothing, that I exist for the purpose of expressing Christ, that come better or worse, I serve a good God... then I can be thankful.
I'm about to get a little sappy, I apologize. Skip a paragraph if you'd like - the next one will be back on task. I thank God for the people he has put in my life and I thank them for their grace, mercy, and strength. I have a dear group of friends that cares about me, puts up with me, and grows me for no other reason than it is at the core of their existence to. I have dear parents who would (and probably have) sacrificed anything that needed to be sacrificed for me. I have a life that anyone who wasn't self-absorbed would dream of, and sometimes I take it absolutely for granted - I care about you guys, and I am unbelievably thankful that you care about me too.
When we realize how little we've earned and how much we've been given... When we see the world as it really is, and see the people who care about us as they really are... When we see how much fortune has affected the good things in us as opposed to our own self gratifying greatness... suddenly the world changes. Suddenly we become powerful - because we are greater than the sins committed against us. We aren't victims any more, we aren't helpless any more, we aren't beggars any more. We give freely, and in that have power because our hand is never forced. Be truly forgiving this year. Be truly gracious. Be truly merciful. And, as the season so often reminds us, be truly thankful.
Forgiveness is what you do when you are owed everything and freely accept nothing.
Consider all our petty issues as human beings. I'm frustrated with my job while children in Africa starve to death in numbers that I can't count every day. Girls are kidnapped and sold into sexual slavery in third world countries, and I am terribly concerned about how the lady behind my house parks her car so that I have to orchestrate an 18 point turn that begins with me backing out of the garage at a 35 degree angle to go grab some ice cream. We've all been guilted like this before, right? I have, and so have you... but try this one on for size, it might just really hit home.
How many times do we sacrifice an evening, a week, a friendship, over something that really didn't matter? I get an angry phone call at work and my day is ruined. I feel wronged by my friend so I cut them out. I feel like that guy who cut me off is an absolute jerk. We're all so entitled... so quick to anger. And we fail to realize that whether we are owed or not, our reaction should be one of grace, and in it strength. When we fail to forgive we admit that the size of our perceived offense is so much greater than us that we do not have the power to forgive it. I guess my reminder here is to remember - what really matters? Are you willing to sacrifice a relationship (friendship, marriage, or otherwise) so that you can let someone else know you were wronged? How many of the things in life that we feel are so heinous have we forgotten about within a week? (most) a month? (almost all) a year? (all). Why on earth would we be willing to sacrifice a lifetime of togetherness for something so trivial...
Because we don't have a proper understanding of our rights, our belongings, or what we deserve. All this talk of forgiveness leads to my real goal, given the season - Thanks. When we rid ourselves of our sense of entitlement, and pride, we allow ourselves a clear picture of what we're owed so that we can forgive, and what we have been given so that we can be thankful. Tonight at dinner I began mulling this concept when we all went around a table and stated what we were thankful for... I knew my answer was truly everything, but had no idea how to condense it into a sound byte... so here I am, correcting my earlier clumsiness. When I realize that I am owed nothing, that I exist for the purpose of expressing Christ, that come better or worse, I serve a good God... then I can be thankful.
I'm about to get a little sappy, I apologize. Skip a paragraph if you'd like - the next one will be back on task. I thank God for the people he has put in my life and I thank them for their grace, mercy, and strength. I have a dear group of friends that cares about me, puts up with me, and grows me for no other reason than it is at the core of their existence to. I have dear parents who would (and probably have) sacrificed anything that needed to be sacrificed for me. I have a life that anyone who wasn't self-absorbed would dream of, and sometimes I take it absolutely for granted - I care about you guys, and I am unbelievably thankful that you care about me too.
When we realize how little we've earned and how much we've been given... When we see the world as it really is, and see the people who care about us as they really are... When we see how much fortune has affected the good things in us as opposed to our own self gratifying greatness... suddenly the world changes. Suddenly we become powerful - because we are greater than the sins committed against us. We aren't victims any more, we aren't helpless any more, we aren't beggars any more. We give freely, and in that have power because our hand is never forced. Be truly forgiving this year. Be truly gracious. Be truly merciful. And, as the season so often reminds us, be truly thankful.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Meh.
Nothing this week. Nothing at all. Ideas - but nothing I feel the need to post...
When this week is over though, there WILL be workouts of the week. posted. boom.
And there will be a post, a real one :)
When this week is over though, there WILL be workouts of the week. posted. boom.
And there will be a post, a real one :)
Monday, October 19, 2009
Of a Good God and All the Time in the World
Of a Good God and All the Time in the World
Workout of the week: None.
People surprised by this: None.
;)
I'm pretty hopeful this week, so it's probably just going to be reflected here - no big surprises. The title of this one really says almost all I have to say, but I'll dig into it anyway because finding the assumptions that you have to buy into so that you can accept something is just as much fun as the something itself.
May 2008.
If you looked at me or my life, it was very clear where everything was going. I'll throw out the bullet list for those that didn't know me, or those that don't know me as well as they might. We won't go into the why's or any of that too much, I'll just present the facts so we can move on.
Dating Relationship
Present (at that time): Dating one of the best girls I've met, end of story. Had been for 2 years.
Predicted Future: Engagement a couple months down the road.
Reality: Broken up within 3 months.
Education
Present (at that time): Just finished the Masters in Finance, held a pretty darn strong GPA, life is smooth.
Predicted future: Easy entry into the job market in a Dallas investment fund as an analyst.
Reality: Unemployed 9 months. Need experience.
Career
Present (at that time): Had several offers and interviews on the table. A couple for analyst positions, a couple on the "retail" side of finance. Turned down a "retail" side position, balked at an analyst spot that would have been a good one to have due to qualms with the people involved and another due to its physical location, still had several fairly strong connections that could probably do me a favor.
Predicted future: Good paying job doing what I loved, even if I didn't make as much money as I wanted, I'd be in a good spot, no doubt.
Reality: Unemployed 9 months. Due to flood of people being let go every entry level spot suddenly required 2-5 years experience. Interviewed with prior connections on days when they lost 100 million plus dollars on a couple occasions. Told I was too ambitious for a couple spots I would have *happily* taken. Living off limited college savings.
Investments
Present (at that time... and still... sort of): Owned a house in Lubbock.
Predicted future: Sell the house for a pretty good chunk of change.
Reality: Several people interested... couldn't get loans. Still have the house - renting it out which is nice, but it will be in the way before long of me buying a house in Dallas :-p
Living situation
Present (at the time): Moving here with one of my best friends, share a room in an apartment with another roommate for 3 months.
Predicted future: Buy a house, move there, cycle roommates through, do whatever
Reality: Shared a room with said friend for 10 months. Enough said.
So - there's a quick overview of what brought me to this... :)
The quick reality in all of that is this. Over time I had allowed these things to really take precedence in my life - God was welcome to do as he wished, as long as my plans remained the same. The more money I made, the more I planned to give. The quicker I got married, the better the marriage would surely be. All things were to God's glory... but only after they were to my glory. Honor and obedience that were rightfully God's had been wooed away from him through manipulation and given to another. My salvation with God was his constant beckoning - Him saying "I love you, wake up" over and over, showing the mercy He's so well known for. My recent sanctification was God's justice... the crushing of everything I continued to choose over him. When I wouldn't choose right, choices quickly (and violently) disappeared. All this to say - I was broken. In each of those bullets above is a story that reveals my supreme faults and leads to some eventual growth but we'll stick to the big picture today.
Throughout all this, I said the right things. I had brief moments of light and clarity in a dark time, I'll say that, but the time was no less dark. Despite the fact that I said the right things, and semi-believed them, they never hit home.
One thing that constantly came out of my mouth was this - "I just feel like God's got great things for me, and even if He doesn't, I'm ok" This quote really was my mantra. I knew it was truth whether it connected with my real feelings or not - so it stuck. As this all went on I developed what I've termed the "reality plus" syndrome. I've always been pretty confident, one of my biggest struggles is pride, but at this point, everything I had was stripped away... I should have had nothing to be proud of. Instead of clinging to the only thing that gave me identity in life, I clung to myself. Sure, I'm good at a nice variety of things, but I wanted everyone to know just how good I was - it wasn't a false confidence (as much as any confidence not found in God can be real anyway) - it was "reality... plus" (thus the name). This was my defense mechanism. I'd found my identity in these things so long that when I was left with nothing, I realized my foundation was never built on something permanent - that I had no hope, no confidence, no identity. Again - that's another infinitely long story that I'm just touching on here, but some day later we'll get into it.
All this leads to a reality that I find more freeing than I ever imagined it would be. When things were going badly, when everything I found my identity in was stripped away, I found truth.
I serve a God that is good. Above all else. He's not good like I'm good (where we take the things in our life that are good and magnify them) he is the real, powerful, embodiment of good. He's not only greater than - He's other than. He is good - In and of itself - so lets remember here, my God is good.
The second truth was that with God, I have all the time in the world. When everything's going wrong. When all the luxuries I want are gone. When I've lost hope. When I won't make it til tomorrow... I've got all the time in the world. Because all things work for my good. Come what may - success or failure, riches or poverty, earthly fulfillment or daily toil, if my focus is on the only thing that matters (God) - none of my joy or despair is derived from these things. Do they make me happy or sad? Sure, a bit. But they can never touch my core because the truth is that at my core, they don't matter and in time, I'll just grow closer to the only one who matters as long as that's my focus.
Further on this, there is so much of a push to find your career, get married, buy a house, have kids, settle down, and all that - the truth is, I have all the time in the world. Does the universe change if I start my investment fund job at 26 instead of 23? No... no it doesn't. What about if my house doesn't sell for another 2 years? Nope. What about if (God forbid) I'm not married by 28? No - it just provides a longer season where I have more opportunity and less to worry about in going *where ever* I'm sent. So not only do I have all the time in the world from a spiritual perspective - the reality is... I have all the time in the world on every level... Spiritual, emotional, social, or otherwise.
So... all that to say this...
I serve a good God and We've got all the time in the world.
Workout of the week: None.
People surprised by this: None.
;)
I'm pretty hopeful this week, so it's probably just going to be reflected here - no big surprises. The title of this one really says almost all I have to say, but I'll dig into it anyway because finding the assumptions that you have to buy into so that you can accept something is just as much fun as the something itself.
May 2008.
If you looked at me or my life, it was very clear where everything was going. I'll throw out the bullet list for those that didn't know me, or those that don't know me as well as they might. We won't go into the why's or any of that too much, I'll just present the facts so we can move on.
Dating Relationship
Present (at that time): Dating one of the best girls I've met, end of story. Had been for 2 years.
Predicted Future: Engagement a couple months down the road.
Reality: Broken up within 3 months.
Education
Present (at that time): Just finished the Masters in Finance, held a pretty darn strong GPA, life is smooth.
Predicted future: Easy entry into the job market in a Dallas investment fund as an analyst.
Reality: Unemployed 9 months. Need experience.
Career
Present (at that time): Had several offers and interviews on the table. A couple for analyst positions, a couple on the "retail" side of finance. Turned down a "retail" side position, balked at an analyst spot that would have been a good one to have due to qualms with the people involved and another due to its physical location, still had several fairly strong connections that could probably do me a favor.
Predicted future: Good paying job doing what I loved, even if I didn't make as much money as I wanted, I'd be in a good spot, no doubt.
Reality: Unemployed 9 months. Due to flood of people being let go every entry level spot suddenly required 2-5 years experience. Interviewed with prior connections on days when they lost 100 million plus dollars on a couple occasions. Told I was too ambitious for a couple spots I would have *happily* taken. Living off limited college savings.
Investments
Present (at that time... and still... sort of): Owned a house in Lubbock.
Predicted future: Sell the house for a pretty good chunk of change.
Reality: Several people interested... couldn't get loans. Still have the house - renting it out which is nice, but it will be in the way before long of me buying a house in Dallas :-p
Living situation
Present (at the time): Moving here with one of my best friends, share a room in an apartment with another roommate for 3 months.
Predicted future: Buy a house, move there, cycle roommates through, do whatever
Reality: Shared a room with said friend for 10 months. Enough said.
So - there's a quick overview of what brought me to this... :)
The quick reality in all of that is this. Over time I had allowed these things to really take precedence in my life - God was welcome to do as he wished, as long as my plans remained the same. The more money I made, the more I planned to give. The quicker I got married, the better the marriage would surely be. All things were to God's glory... but only after they were to my glory. Honor and obedience that were rightfully God's had been wooed away from him through manipulation and given to another. My salvation with God was his constant beckoning - Him saying "I love you, wake up" over and over, showing the mercy He's so well known for. My recent sanctification was God's justice... the crushing of everything I continued to choose over him. When I wouldn't choose right, choices quickly (and violently) disappeared. All this to say - I was broken. In each of those bullets above is a story that reveals my supreme faults and leads to some eventual growth but we'll stick to the big picture today.
Throughout all this, I said the right things. I had brief moments of light and clarity in a dark time, I'll say that, but the time was no less dark. Despite the fact that I said the right things, and semi-believed them, they never hit home.
One thing that constantly came out of my mouth was this - "I just feel like God's got great things for me, and even if He doesn't, I'm ok" This quote really was my mantra. I knew it was truth whether it connected with my real feelings or not - so it stuck. As this all went on I developed what I've termed the "reality plus" syndrome. I've always been pretty confident, one of my biggest struggles is pride, but at this point, everything I had was stripped away... I should have had nothing to be proud of. Instead of clinging to the only thing that gave me identity in life, I clung to myself. Sure, I'm good at a nice variety of things, but I wanted everyone to know just how good I was - it wasn't a false confidence (as much as any confidence not found in God can be real anyway) - it was "reality... plus" (thus the name). This was my defense mechanism. I'd found my identity in these things so long that when I was left with nothing, I realized my foundation was never built on something permanent - that I had no hope, no confidence, no identity. Again - that's another infinitely long story that I'm just touching on here, but some day later we'll get into it.
All this leads to a reality that I find more freeing than I ever imagined it would be. When things were going badly, when everything I found my identity in was stripped away, I found truth.
I serve a God that is good. Above all else. He's not good like I'm good (where we take the things in our life that are good and magnify them) he is the real, powerful, embodiment of good. He's not only greater than - He's other than. He is good - In and of itself - so lets remember here, my God is good.
The second truth was that with God, I have all the time in the world. When everything's going wrong. When all the luxuries I want are gone. When I've lost hope. When I won't make it til tomorrow... I've got all the time in the world. Because all things work for my good. Come what may - success or failure, riches or poverty, earthly fulfillment or daily toil, if my focus is on the only thing that matters (God) - none of my joy or despair is derived from these things. Do they make me happy or sad? Sure, a bit. But they can never touch my core because the truth is that at my core, they don't matter and in time, I'll just grow closer to the only one who matters as long as that's my focus.
Further on this, there is so much of a push to find your career, get married, buy a house, have kids, settle down, and all that - the truth is, I have all the time in the world. Does the universe change if I start my investment fund job at 26 instead of 23? No... no it doesn't. What about if my house doesn't sell for another 2 years? Nope. What about if (God forbid) I'm not married by 28? No - it just provides a longer season where I have more opportunity and less to worry about in going *where ever* I'm sent. So not only do I have all the time in the world from a spiritual perspective - the reality is... I have all the time in the world on every level... Spiritual, emotional, social, or otherwise.
So... all that to say this...
I serve a good God and We've got all the time in the world.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Of God's Mercies and My Troubles
A) Work out of the day (week?) - None. ;)
I've begun to realize that an enormous part of saving faith is that I have the assurance that I will still have faith tomorrow. It's a bit of a weird concept the more I think about it - I won't lie.
There are those days when the only thought that prevails on your mind is "I can't do this. I absolutely can not do this anymore. This is awful." Insert some stronger language if you'd like (most of my days like that I do, but usually only in my head :-p) and then repeat it over and over throughout the day. This thought has bludgeoned me at work, it's bludgeoned me in dating relationships, it's bludgeoned me in roommate situations, it's bludgeoned me in friendships, and it's bludgeoned me about my Dallas Cowboy fan-ship (but we won't get into that.)
I'm not sure if it has a set schedule, or if something triggers it, but some days I just do not have what it takes to accept my current position in life and all I have to say to God, myself, or anyone who will listen is "I can't do this any more, I have to find something else."
So - there we have it, the set up. Sometimes we have days where we all we can do is say "I can't do this one more day." Now, why?
One caveat I'll make here is that a while ago I was expressing such a situation to my father and he said "You know, some days will be like that, some times it is just a dry season and you just have to ask yourself - 'did anything change between yesterday (or whatever time you were ok) and today? Is this a real disgruntlement or just a temporary shift in my feelings'" - That's one of the best pieces of advice I have received on the issue, bar none. Monday, I'm fine at work. Tuesday I do the same thing I did Monday but my loathing for it has increased exponentially - nothing has changed other than that Tuesday I've decided things are hopeless. Come Wednesday, I all too often find that I am just fine again. So - point 1 - ask yourself what changed. If the answer is nothing... it's one of those days :-p
Secondarily, and back to the main point. I think this issue stems from the limitations and rules we put on our faith and God's grace. We feel like our reservoir of strength won't last one more day. Again - here's the twist... It won't. We try to mentally combat tomorrow's troubles with today's strength, even though that matches nothing about the way God moves through his Word or his people.
Deuteronomy 33 - "As your days are, so shall your strength be"
Lamentations 3 - "The lord's lovingkindess never fails, his mercies are new every morning, great is your faithfulness"
The story of the manna in the wilderness is another real fun place to look. Or about half of what Paul says in the new testament.
God's allotment of mercy today will NOT be big enough for tomorrow's troubles - but it will always be enough for today's. Our God is perpetually giving us just what we need and forcing a reliance on him. That's the story of salvation and it's the story of sanctification as well. When we feel like the strength given us for the day won't last til tomorrow... we're right. Just like the manna given to the Israelites in the wilderness - it will feed us today, and when tomorrow comes it will be gone - there was only dependence for them while they were in the desert, no storing up.
How does all this tie back into my original point that the assurance of faith tomorrow is a huge part of faith today? One of God's greatest mercies is that in that portion of mercy he gives us each day is the key to surviving the next. The faith that when tomorrow does come, and all its troubles with it, God's mercies come as well. At the end of the day, when I know that my strength is at an end, my despair only arises because I haven't used the last God-given resource for that day. The full knowledge that tomorrow God's mercy will be there once again, and will once again match my troubles. How tight is that? How often do I forget that? A huge part of saving faith is the assurance that I can once again have faith tomorrow. So when you have one of those days, try to remember that when troubles rise, mercy comes and that God's mercy today will cover my troubles. If you can't do it again on the strength given you today - don't fear... you won't have to.
I've begun to realize that an enormous part of saving faith is that I have the assurance that I will still have faith tomorrow. It's a bit of a weird concept the more I think about it - I won't lie.
There are those days when the only thought that prevails on your mind is "I can't do this. I absolutely can not do this anymore. This is awful." Insert some stronger language if you'd like (most of my days like that I do, but usually only in my head :-p) and then repeat it over and over throughout the day. This thought has bludgeoned me at work, it's bludgeoned me in dating relationships, it's bludgeoned me in roommate situations, it's bludgeoned me in friendships, and it's bludgeoned me about my Dallas Cowboy fan-ship (but we won't get into that.)
I'm not sure if it has a set schedule, or if something triggers it, but some days I just do not have what it takes to accept my current position in life and all I have to say to God, myself, or anyone who will listen is "I can't do this any more, I have to find something else."
So - there we have it, the set up. Sometimes we have days where we all we can do is say "I can't do this one more day." Now, why?
One caveat I'll make here is that a while ago I was expressing such a situation to my father and he said "You know, some days will be like that, some times it is just a dry season and you just have to ask yourself - 'did anything change between yesterday (or whatever time you were ok) and today? Is this a real disgruntlement or just a temporary shift in my feelings'" - That's one of the best pieces of advice I have received on the issue, bar none. Monday, I'm fine at work. Tuesday I do the same thing I did Monday but my loathing for it has increased exponentially - nothing has changed other than that Tuesday I've decided things are hopeless. Come Wednesday, I all too often find that I am just fine again. So - point 1 - ask yourself what changed. If the answer is nothing... it's one of those days :-p
Secondarily, and back to the main point. I think this issue stems from the limitations and rules we put on our faith and God's grace. We feel like our reservoir of strength won't last one more day. Again - here's the twist... It won't. We try to mentally combat tomorrow's troubles with today's strength, even though that matches nothing about the way God moves through his Word or his people.
Deuteronomy 33 - "As your days are, so shall your strength be"
Lamentations 3 - "The lord's lovingkindess never fails, his mercies are new every morning, great is your faithfulness"
The story of the manna in the wilderness is another real fun place to look. Or about half of what Paul says in the new testament.
God's allotment of mercy today will NOT be big enough for tomorrow's troubles - but it will always be enough for today's. Our God is perpetually giving us just what we need and forcing a reliance on him. That's the story of salvation and it's the story of sanctification as well. When we feel like the strength given us for the day won't last til tomorrow... we're right. Just like the manna given to the Israelites in the wilderness - it will feed us today, and when tomorrow comes it will be gone - there was only dependence for them while they were in the desert, no storing up.
How does all this tie back into my original point that the assurance of faith tomorrow is a huge part of faith today? One of God's greatest mercies is that in that portion of mercy he gives us each day is the key to surviving the next. The faith that when tomorrow does come, and all its troubles with it, God's mercies come as well. At the end of the day, when I know that my strength is at an end, my despair only arises because I haven't used the last God-given resource for that day. The full knowledge that tomorrow God's mercy will be there once again, and will once again match my troubles. How tight is that? How often do I forget that? A huge part of saving faith is the assurance that I can once again have faith tomorrow. So when you have one of those days, try to remember that when troubles rise, mercy comes and that God's mercy today will cover my troubles. If you can't do it again on the strength given you today - don't fear... you won't have to.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Of Desire and Efficiency
Ok, so a week ago (yes, i know i promised to do better, get accustomed to blogging failure from me.) at the end of my post I said I hoped to touch on a disturbing trend amongst Christian males in the boy meets girl realm of dating... well here we go.
The men of our generation (and maybe every generation) have been bred to believe that results are almost all that matters. Results, I think, can be broken down into two chunks - what you got, and how you got it - or i might also call it getting what you want, and getting it as easily as possible. This has led to a bizarre form of results driven dating that is crippling the process of building real and meaningful relationships from both sides.
So lets start off with a little example from my life that I think everyone can probably understand and we'll go from there. I'm pretty good at math, let me just go ahead and tell you now, it will be important to the rest of this. Business calculus, Texas Tech. After the first class period I looked at the syllabus and said to myself "self, I'm pretty sure you can do all that, I think you should just show up for the tests and have at it" so I did. And you know what? I made an easy A in the class. From the outside, this sounds like a wonderful thing - but lets just take a quick look at some of the roots that go into it. In my actions I didn't demonstrate that my goal was to learn, to improve, or to gain applicable knowledge - I demonstrated that all I wanted was a grade and to move on. I slipped into results-driven class time. Do I feel bothered by that? No, but it's a really clear microcosm of my life at the time - and a lot of guys I see around me. We get we want (the grade) as easily as possible (the skipping) and move on as though it were a success.
Males are programmed to get what we want. Now, the skeptical girl (or guy) says "oh, we all know what guys want. Guys want to get some" But lets take a quick step off of that train for just a moment and look a little broader. Again, I'll probably just use myself as a focus point and suggest it applies to *most* males. Good Christian guys are looking for good christian girls. Standard practice. But I'd suggest there is an alarming lack of Christian male leadership in the church. Do I know several strong, firece, men of God? Sure. But they are in the vast minority. The majority of guys at Christian events are at best "neat christian guys" - either they have the heart, but a spirit of timidity, or they spiritually coast while they look good and do just enough to attract the Christian girls they "need" to - I frequently land in that second column so that's where this piece is going. I've always thought of it as guys who are pretending to be David (the Psalmist. Not anyone we know) but don't have the depth... or the courage... or the self-awareness... or the humility... you get the point.
Why have we developed this? For me, I know I want to marry a good (great) Christian girl. And, in an unexpected twist, that's exactly the issue here - I know you didn't see this moment coming. Issue number one is that what guys want is the wrong thing - I'm not sure if it's because of a perceived social pressure, stupidity, or that's just how humanity operates (a mix thereof). I want to marry a good Christian girl (make the grade) instead of build something that is really God-focused or truly God-honoring (learning the subject) so I do what it takes to date a good Christian girl - which due to the lack of competition on a spiritual plane, is really not much, pretty frequently. I go to church, I carry a Bible, a hold pseudo-spiritual conversations (even though I'd rather be proclaiming my own merits, I know this is a necessary step in the 'getting what I want' process), and eventually, I get a date, a girlfriend, a fiancee, and a marriage built on smoke and mirrors. Our issue is that we've lost our focus on being whole, and on being comfortable with who we are in God first, and that instead we've focused on things God can give us as the final goal. We want to be married to someone worth marrying, instead of being in a relationship that is undeniably beautiful in all capacities - spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, whatever-else-ical. So in lieu of doing what it takes to be whole, and to have what we really want, we skate our way through, avoid the obstacles that make us strong and real, and we accept a dim shadow of the glorious relationship that God has made available to us. Guys - figure out what you *really* want and then *really* pursue it. No more just trying to look good. No more feeling like you are good (because you refuse to allow yourself to be challenged). No more pursuing shadows when reality is right there. No more games. Find completeness, find what God really intended for you, and find something beautiful - it's the only thing worth having anyway. Girls - watch closely, push hard, and don't compromise. It doesn't take long to spot a fraud (wouldn't take too many hard questions to expose me most days of the week) and when you do - remember what they (we... I) are.
The men of our generation (and maybe every generation) have been bred to believe that results are almost all that matters. Results, I think, can be broken down into two chunks - what you got, and how you got it - or i might also call it getting what you want, and getting it as easily as possible. This has led to a bizarre form of results driven dating that is crippling the process of building real and meaningful relationships from both sides.
So lets start off with a little example from my life that I think everyone can probably understand and we'll go from there. I'm pretty good at math, let me just go ahead and tell you now, it will be important to the rest of this. Business calculus, Texas Tech. After the first class period I looked at the syllabus and said to myself "self, I'm pretty sure you can do all that, I think you should just show up for the tests and have at it" so I did. And you know what? I made an easy A in the class. From the outside, this sounds like a wonderful thing - but lets just take a quick look at some of the roots that go into it. In my actions I didn't demonstrate that my goal was to learn, to improve, or to gain applicable knowledge - I demonstrated that all I wanted was a grade and to move on. I slipped into results-driven class time. Do I feel bothered by that? No, but it's a really clear microcosm of my life at the time - and a lot of guys I see around me. We get we want (the grade) as easily as possible (the skipping) and move on as though it were a success.
Males are programmed to get what we want. Now, the skeptical girl (or guy) says "oh, we all know what guys want. Guys want to get some" But lets take a quick step off of that train for just a moment and look a little broader. Again, I'll probably just use myself as a focus point and suggest it applies to *most* males. Good Christian guys are looking for good christian girls. Standard practice. But I'd suggest there is an alarming lack of Christian male leadership in the church. Do I know several strong, firece, men of God? Sure. But they are in the vast minority. The majority of guys at Christian events are at best "neat christian guys" - either they have the heart, but a spirit of timidity, or they spiritually coast while they look good and do just enough to attract the Christian girls they "need" to - I frequently land in that second column so that's where this piece is going. I've always thought of it as guys who are pretending to be David (the Psalmist. Not anyone we know) but don't have the depth... or the courage... or the self-awareness... or the humility... you get the point.
Why have we developed this? For me, I know I want to marry a good (great) Christian girl. And, in an unexpected twist, that's exactly the issue here - I know you didn't see this moment coming. Issue number one is that what guys want is the wrong thing - I'm not sure if it's because of a perceived social pressure, stupidity, or that's just how humanity operates (a mix thereof). I want to marry a good Christian girl (make the grade) instead of build something that is really God-focused or truly God-honoring (learning the subject) so I do what it takes to date a good Christian girl - which due to the lack of competition on a spiritual plane, is really not much, pretty frequently. I go to church, I carry a Bible, a hold pseudo-spiritual conversations (even though I'd rather be proclaiming my own merits, I know this is a necessary step in the 'getting what I want' process), and eventually, I get a date, a girlfriend, a fiancee, and a marriage built on smoke and mirrors. Our issue is that we've lost our focus on being whole, and on being comfortable with who we are in God first, and that instead we've focused on things God can give us as the final goal. We want to be married to someone worth marrying, instead of being in a relationship that is undeniably beautiful in all capacities - spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, whatever-else-ical. So in lieu of doing what it takes to be whole, and to have what we really want, we skate our way through, avoid the obstacles that make us strong and real, and we accept a dim shadow of the glorious relationship that God has made available to us. Guys - figure out what you *really* want and then *really* pursue it. No more just trying to look good. No more feeling like you are good (because you refuse to allow yourself to be challenged). No more pursuing shadows when reality is right there. No more games. Find completeness, find what God really intended for you, and find something beautiful - it's the only thing worth having anyway. Girls - watch closely, push hard, and don't compromise. It doesn't take long to spot a fraud (wouldn't take too many hard questions to expose me most days of the week) and when you do - remember what they (we... I) are.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Of Love and Ease
There is a trend, mostly among the fairer sex of our American society. It is the trend of love easily won, the trend of trust easily won, and if you will - the trend of a heart easily won.
We're broken. We're all broken, this much I know. But for women reading this, I have a question - what are you so afraid of? Over and over again in our Christian culture we see girls who are far too willing to surrender their love (holy lust may be a better term), their trust, and their hearts to boys who have not yet done enough to prove they either desire or deserve it.
You hear the sad stories, heck, not a week goes by without you hearing them:
Everyone else knew [insert thing here] about him, but he never seemed that way to me. We started dating and were together for a couple months (a couple years?), and when we broke up, I realized it was a relationship I never should have been in.
From my stand point, very few things terrify me as much as the movement by Christian girls in our society to be too fast in giving their hearts away. Even in my own experience I've seen this over and over. You like a guy, he likes you, and suddenly, you completely skip any logical or biblical step, and you've invested all you have in him. A while later, regardless of exactly what time frame it is, things don't work out and you're crushed when the aforementioned issue has torn your relationship apart.
And you're hurt. And he's hurt. And your friends are hurt. And if I saw it happen - I'm hurt. Because once again someone very dear to me has thrown herself at a dating relationship with all she has, and it has fallen to pieces, blown up in her face, and wounded her as deeply as anything I've ever seen wound her.
Why did this happen? How do we fix it? The approach that gets taken is find someone who is better on the surface, that is more caring, and repeat the process all over again until the dating relationship reaches a conclusion - either marriage or another crushing break up.
The issue is, women of God, you're missing the point. The way that you're dating doesn't create several dating relationships that come to an end. It creates an (nearly) endless series of miniature divorces where a piece of your heart is lost and never returns. How can you live like that? How could a good God with a good plan put us in a situation to have that happen over and over again? The answer? He didn't.
Check out the Song of Solomon - "I will hide my heart in the cleft of the Rock" When you read through this series of verses you see that you don't give your heart away over and over in dating relationships to men who are pursuing YOU. You give it away when a man is pursuing God and in pursuit of God discovers a treasure he never imagined. Love and trust easily given to a man based on his pursuit of you is destined to fail, and destined to hurt - even if it ends in marriage it will never be what God intended for you. This might read to you like I'm saying you have to be cold and disconnected and untouchable - that's not true. I am saying though that a love easily given is a love easily wasted. And I am saying that if your focus is on God, he holds your heart. And if his focus is on God, then God holds his heart as well. Whatever a human being takes before God, a human being is destined to destroy - test it on your own life and see that it isn't true. Surrender your heart to the one who should truly hold it, let Him decide when he chooses another's hand to assist, and it will save you more pain and draw you nearer to God than you'll ever know.
There is another trend, mostly among the uh... not so fair sex of our American society. It is a trend of minimum effort, a trend of misplaced desires, and a trend that threatens the very nature of the Christian man's core. I'm going to spend the next week of my life asking some pointed questions about it, and muddling through it, and maybe (just maybe) trying to write an article about it. Still a little too big to handle today, and I just spit out a lot right there - so next week.
We're broken. We're all broken, this much I know. But for women reading this, I have a question - what are you so afraid of? Over and over again in our Christian culture we see girls who are far too willing to surrender their love (holy lust may be a better term), their trust, and their hearts to boys who have not yet done enough to prove they either desire or deserve it.
You hear the sad stories, heck, not a week goes by without you hearing them:
Everyone else knew [insert thing here] about him, but he never seemed that way to me. We started dating and were together for a couple months (a couple years?), and when we broke up, I realized it was a relationship I never should have been in.
From my stand point, very few things terrify me as much as the movement by Christian girls in our society to be too fast in giving their hearts away. Even in my own experience I've seen this over and over. You like a guy, he likes you, and suddenly, you completely skip any logical or biblical step, and you've invested all you have in him. A while later, regardless of exactly what time frame it is, things don't work out and you're crushed when the aforementioned issue has torn your relationship apart.
And you're hurt. And he's hurt. And your friends are hurt. And if I saw it happen - I'm hurt. Because once again someone very dear to me has thrown herself at a dating relationship with all she has, and it has fallen to pieces, blown up in her face, and wounded her as deeply as anything I've ever seen wound her.
Why did this happen? How do we fix it? The approach that gets taken is find someone who is better on the surface, that is more caring, and repeat the process all over again until the dating relationship reaches a conclusion - either marriage or another crushing break up.
The issue is, women of God, you're missing the point. The way that you're dating doesn't create several dating relationships that come to an end. It creates an (nearly) endless series of miniature divorces where a piece of your heart is lost and never returns. How can you live like that? How could a good God with a good plan put us in a situation to have that happen over and over again? The answer? He didn't.
Check out the Song of Solomon - "I will hide my heart in the cleft of the Rock" When you read through this series of verses you see that you don't give your heart away over and over in dating relationships to men who are pursuing YOU. You give it away when a man is pursuing God and in pursuit of God discovers a treasure he never imagined. Love and trust easily given to a man based on his pursuit of you is destined to fail, and destined to hurt - even if it ends in marriage it will never be what God intended for you. This might read to you like I'm saying you have to be cold and disconnected and untouchable - that's not true. I am saying though that a love easily given is a love easily wasted. And I am saying that if your focus is on God, he holds your heart. And if his focus is on God, then God holds his heart as well. Whatever a human being takes before God, a human being is destined to destroy - test it on your own life and see that it isn't true. Surrender your heart to the one who should truly hold it, let Him decide when he chooses another's hand to assist, and it will save you more pain and draw you nearer to God than you'll ever know.
There is another trend, mostly among the uh... not so fair sex of our American society. It is a trend of minimum effort, a trend of misplaced desires, and a trend that threatens the very nature of the Christian man's core. I'm going to spend the next week of my life asking some pointed questions about it, and muddling through it, and maybe (just maybe) trying to write an article about it. Still a little too big to handle today, and I just spit out a lot right there - so next week.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Fear, Hockey Fights, and Good Old Fashioned Petty Theft
Workout of the Day:
None. Embarrassing, but you know what? I went to a hockey game. Boom suckah I watched other people burn calories - step by step. Secondarily: Girl + hockey jersey + petty theft + a beat down on the big screen where I pulled her jersey over her face and wailed on her while she threw measly punches = a pretty good time.
Some of the above may not be... quite true. But it's real close. Good work out. Good times.
Scripture(and Rant, look out.) for the day:
1 Peter 3:13 - Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what's right.
Long term, if you're perpetually pushing the envelope for what is right, and what is good, is anything that happens ever that bad? No, not really. There's a lot of interesting things that tie into this, if you want to take a minute to look at the assumptions. If you weigh your actions on a scale of what is right, and what you're willing to go through and always arrive at this piece of scripture in your conclusion, you'll live a fearless lifestyle. "Now who is there to harm me if I am zealous for what is right" - how freeing could that potentially be if we'd let it take hold? Further, when we demonstrate fear, we pay homage to the root of that fear. If I am afraid of the dark, I take action to avoid the dark. If I am afraid of people, I take action to avoid their ire. Fear makes liars of us all - as soon as we are afraid, our actions no longer reflect who we are, and even further, who we are in Christ.
(Serious) Thought of the day:
God blesses me. Abundantly. I have no idea why.
(Not serious) Thought of the day:
Nothing gets my blood pumping like a hockey fight. This need/desire just comes over me to scream "WOOO, beat that fool like he stole something" and other, much more vulgar phrases - I just go nuts. I like hockey fights. There is just no way around this. I'm going to buy hockey gear (and probably roller blades) for the express purpose of getting people to fight with me/eachother for my own personal entertainment. Stick dropping, glove throwing, jersey pulling good times.
None. Embarrassing, but you know what? I went to a hockey game. Boom suckah I watched other people burn calories - step by step. Secondarily: Girl + hockey jersey + petty theft + a beat down on the big screen where I pulled her jersey over her face and wailed on her while she threw measly punches = a pretty good time.
Some of the above may not be... quite true. But it's real close. Good work out. Good times.
Scripture(and Rant, look out.) for the day:
1 Peter 3:13 - Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what's right.
Long term, if you're perpetually pushing the envelope for what is right, and what is good, is anything that happens ever that bad? No, not really. There's a lot of interesting things that tie into this, if you want to take a minute to look at the assumptions. If you weigh your actions on a scale of what is right, and what you're willing to go through and always arrive at this piece of scripture in your conclusion, you'll live a fearless lifestyle. "Now who is there to harm me if I am zealous for what is right" - how freeing could that potentially be if we'd let it take hold? Further, when we demonstrate fear, we pay homage to the root of that fear. If I am afraid of the dark, I take action to avoid the dark. If I am afraid of people, I take action to avoid their ire. Fear makes liars of us all - as soon as we are afraid, our actions no longer reflect who we are, and even further, who we are in Christ.
(Serious) Thought of the day:
God blesses me. Abundantly. I have no idea why.
(Not serious) Thought of the day:
Nothing gets my blood pumping like a hockey fight. This need/desire just comes over me to scream "WOOO, beat that fool like he stole something" and other, much more vulgar phrases - I just go nuts. I like hockey fights. There is just no way around this. I'm going to buy hockey gear (and probably roller blades) for the express purpose of getting people to fight with me/eachother for my own personal entertainment. Stick dropping, glove throwing, jersey pulling good times.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Alright, fine.
I'll blog. I'll keep a track record of all the nitty gritty things I think about through the course of the day. I'll let you (whoever you are) read it. But I won't like it (really I will, it just makes me seem more manly to be "doing it against my better judgment").
Thought of the day (Maybe serious... maybe not... maybe 2 thoughts on some days - but don't expect too much):
Results are God's business alone.
Scripture of the day (Often gonna be linked to the thought, I won't lie to you.):
James 1:27 - Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress and to remain unstained by the world.
Funny how often we weigh our actions or lack there of by the perceived results. Don't give money to that guy, he'll just use it for drugs. Don't bother with that kid, he's hopeless. That's not our calling. We're called to obey and let God do as he will after that. If it weren't for our worldly/Americanized views that what really matters is the bottom line, we might understand this a little better, but what can I say - we're a stained people.
Workout of the day (No need to read this one, it will usually be blank):
None today. Really I'm just hoping that putting this up here will embarrass me into actually working out. Or eating right. Or lying and pretending I do. Or something.
Rant of the day (Just in case.):
No rant today, but I reserve the right to 2-3 rants per week, occasionally containing useful information.
So that's probably what this blog will look like more days than not... word.
I'll blog. I'll keep a track record of all the nitty gritty things I think about through the course of the day. I'll let you (whoever you are) read it. But I won't like it (really I will, it just makes me seem more manly to be "doing it against my better judgment").
Thought of the day (Maybe serious... maybe not... maybe 2 thoughts on some days - but don't expect too much):
Results are God's business alone.
Scripture of the day (Often gonna be linked to the thought, I won't lie to you.):
James 1:27 - Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress and to remain unstained by the world.
Funny how often we weigh our actions or lack there of by the perceived results. Don't give money to that guy, he'll just use it for drugs. Don't bother with that kid, he's hopeless. That's not our calling. We're called to obey and let God do as he will after that. If it weren't for our worldly/Americanized views that what really matters is the bottom line, we might understand this a little better, but what can I say - we're a stained people.
Workout of the day (No need to read this one, it will usually be blank):
None today. Really I'm just hoping that putting this up here will embarrass me into actually working out. Or eating right. Or lying and pretending I do. Or something.
Rant of the day (Just in case.):
No rant today, but I reserve the right to 2-3 rants per week, occasionally containing useful information.
So that's probably what this blog will look like more days than not... word.
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